


The Good, the Bad, and the 'Moral Grey Area'

by Edjumacashun



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Angel Harry, Comedy, Devil louis, Harry as well, Liam Being an Idiot, Liam being unapologetically fucked with, M/M, Oral Sex, Rimming, Sex Toys, Supernatural Elements, Threesome - M/M/M, Work In Progress, and just fucked, generous amount of sexy times, helplessly human Liam, laughs, louis being a little shit, small amount of Angst, some might even say excessive, thats a major tag lol, tiny bit of comeplay, title may change as well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-10 23:41:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7013236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edjumacashun/pseuds/Edjumacashun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam has his very own little angel and devil to help him make decisions, only instead of sitting on his shoulders they like to sit on his face, and they don't so much help to solve his problems as they do cause them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

 

Liam slams his hand down on the snooze button of his alarm clock, grumbling as he rolls over into a face full of feathers.

Harry's wing twitches, itching Liam's nose.

"You should get up," the angel says, making no movement at all to get up himself.

"No, you should definitely stay in bed," Louis replies, pressing himself against Liam's back, his devil's tail curling around Liam's thigh.

Liam grumbles again, trying to make himself more comfortable but barely able to move now that his twin sized bed is occupied by two too many people.

"I believe I've asked you two not to bother me when I'm trying to sleep," he wiggles the little bit that he can to make his point, "this is bothering me."

"I keep telling you to buy a bigger bed," Louis answers, not at all sorry, as he nuzzles Liam's neck.

"He can't afford that, he hasn't even given to charity yet this month," Harry says, ignoring Liam's complaint altogether while he turns over to pepper Liam's neck with kisses.

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

Liam's alarm clock interrupts them, and this time Louis turns it off for him.

"You really do have to get up now, you don't want to be late."

"Come on Li, you know you'd rather stay here and play with me and Harry."

"He can't," Harry pouts, running his fingers woefully down Liam's chest, "stupid responsibilities."

Harry got a little less good at being good when sex was on the table.

"I'm getting up," Liam yawns, making both boys whine.

"And I'm showering alone," Liam says sternly, glancing over his shoulder, and it makes the boys whine louder, cuddling together to 'comfort' each other.

Liam rolls his eyes; by the time he gets back in here to get dressed, they'll be fucking in his bed. Louis will make an unnecessary show of sliding up and down Harry's cock, and Harry will half-arsedly preach about not skipping work, all while staring at Liam with such undisguised lust that it completely negates any of his good words, and Liam will have to will his erection away during his commute to work.

0:)   3:)   S:/

Liam's life hadn't always been this way. For a blissful twenty two years, he was completely normal. No wet dream masquerading as psychomachia, complicating every aspect of his life. No fluffy, slutty angel, permanently attached to his right arm, giving, frankly, shit advice about how to be good. No skimpy leather-clad devil wrapped around his left side whispering dirty temptations in his ear.

Now he can't get out of bed in the morning without it devolving into an argument about the moral implications of which side he chooses. And nine times out of ten it ends with him not leaving the bed at all.

It's not all bad, obviously, having two heavenly beautiful, sinfully sexual lovers, who are eager to please (or more likely demand to be pleased) at the drop of a hat. Liam can safely say he's never been so well-fucked in all his life. And his tiny, cramped apartment, while seemingly filled to bursting with Harry and Louis's _personalities_ alone, would now be woefully empty without them. It's just they certainly never make his life _easier_. Not even taking into account the sheer amount of energy it takes to keep up with two immortal, metaphysical beings, they were a handful when they conceivably had no right to be. The simplest task quickly became convoluted and tortuous, and it could be a downright herculean task just going about an average day. Just deciding what to fucking watch on telly.

Between being amazed, and adjacently skeptical that he'd lost his mind because seriously, _what the hell!?_ Angels and Devils and/or physical manifestations of his conscious were _real_ ; and being swept along in a sea of sexual pleasure, well, Liam Payne had simply lost all control of his life.


	2. In the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Liam got himself into this mess.

By all accounts Liam Payne was 100% normal. Average, possibly to a fault. Downright boring, some might say.

And they weren't wrong. He rented an average flat, held an average job, and had no idea what he was doing with his life, so for his age, he was average in that regard as well.

Really the only thing that wasn't quite normal about him was his love life. Despite his good looks, he was more or less incapable of getting a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Though he would prefer the former; his little town was still quite 'traditional' and Liam wasn't the type to make waves.

He couldn't say he was unhappy, but he wouldn't count himself as completely content. He supposed this was pretty average too.

 

Liam was just trying to enjoy an all too average night in when all that changed.

 

  
_Popcorn_ , Liam thinks, that's what his movie night needs. The perfect cinematic complement to a Batman marathon. Well, no, the perfect complement would be someone to share it with and talk about how fucking awesome Batman and Christopher Nolan are. But.. He didn't have any prospective partners anywhere on the horizon. Popcorn, on the other hand, he could probably manage.

He shuffles into his tiny kitchen, and there it is in his open cupboard, looking delicious, and most importantly, available.

Except the box is empty. Of course. Damn his lazy tendencies, why didn't he throw the box away instead of leaving it there to fool him like some kind of snack trickery. He feels profoundly cheated.

He debates just having a different snack, maybe crisps, but now his heart is set on the buttery golden goodness of popped corn.

He'll have to go the shops. Shouldn't take too long, they'll probably have some at the convenience store on the corner. It's a bit of a walk, but he could probably use the exercise.

 

The walk there takes about 10 minutes, but the weather is nice, and they do have it, and on his way back he runs into the pretty girl that lives a street down from him. He chickens out about talking to her, but it was still nice seeing her.

At last, back home, he microwaves his popcorn, puts in the first DVD, and settles onto his couch.

And then his mum rings. He doesn't answer right away. One reason being he's getting pretty impatient for this movie marathon at this point. The other being that he's sure she's going to ask about his love life or his job, or his general life plans and since he doesn't have answers about any of that he doesn't really want to have a conversation about it. Still, it's his mum, and if he doesn't answer she'll probably worry. Then again, if he does he'll inevitably have to tell her all the things she doesn't want to hear and that will also make her worry...

 

"Having trouble deciding, Love?" A voice over his shoulder asks, and Liam jumps nearly out of his skin, sending his popcorn flying everywhere.

"We can help with that," says another voice on his right this time, and there goes the whole bowl. Liam follows right after it, jumping up from the couch and turning to face the intruders. He can't decide if he feels more or less threatened by the two skimpily costumed (clearly crazy) men that have somehow crept into his locked apartment. They're stunning, and if he had time to be anything other than freaked out, he might appreciate that. Even dressed as they are, in ridiculous Halloween/fetish gear.

Then he notices that their feet aren't quite touching the ground, and he promptly faints.

 

"I keep telling you there must be a gentler way to introduce ourselves," Liam hears one of the voices say.

"He looked sturdy," the other voice answers, "I didn't think he'd fucking _faint_."

"Maybe we should have done it while he was pissed. Eased him into it a bit, entered his dreams maybe."

"That's too time consuming, and you know I detest waiting. He'll be okay, just you go first this time. People still freak out about the horns."

A cool dry hand touches his forehead then, in what is clearly supposed to be a soothing manner. Liam debates just playing dead, and wishes fervently that he hadn't left his phone charging in his bedroom.

Eventually he cracks one eye open, hoping against hope that what he sees won't be an angel or devil, but alas, what swims into view first thing, is a halo, glowing and floating unattached, followed by curly hair and then a dimpled smile.

"Uhm, hi, I'm Harry," the supposed angel says, "I'm your guiding light, and I'm very pleased to meet you."

Liam wants to ask what the fuck he could possibly mean by that, but he hasn't quite found his voice, so he just stares helplessly until his view of that bright halo and brighter smile are blocked by their antithesis. A boy with honest to God (or err Satan?) horns is frowning at him.

"I'm Louis," he says, still frowning, "I'm your ticket to a good time."

That makes the 'angel' give him a light smack.

They move so their shoulders are together, and it doesn't escape Liam's notice (though he wishes it did) that they're still somehow defying gravity.

"We're your Moral Attendants."

"My what? Moral-

"Attendants," they say again, but unsurprisingly that doesn't help Liam understand any better than the first time.

"Ever see Emperor's New Groove?" Louis asks and doesn't wait for a reply, "Of course you have, that movie's awesome. Remember Krunk's little angel and devil that help him to make moral decisions? We're like that. For you."

"But that was like, a cartoon, and they weren't even real in the cartoon! I need to call like an ambulance or something I've clearly lost my mind. Maybe there's a gas leak or-"

"You're sane," Harry reassures, "and there are no noxious fumes."

"Well then I've gone mental, or you guys are in a seriously crazy, I don't know, cult?"

"No," Louis answers, "as I said, we're your angel and devil. Like in the movie. And obviously we aren't in a cult, we aren't human."

"Okay well, as _I_ said, even in the movie they were in his _head_ , which still counts as crazy I think, and aren't you supposed to be tiny versions of _me_?"

"Someone's a bit full of himself," the devil says, arching one eyebrow, "I'm quite satisfied with my appearance thank you."

"We're magic," Harry interrupts, "look at us. I have a halo and wings. You can trust me, I'm a literal angel."

"Yeah and you're hanging out with a literal devil so how good can you really be? And! And your wings aren't even flapping! You're just floating. Why do you have wings if you just float? Are you- maybe you're ghosts."

"First of all, you have an imitation Harry Potter wand so I don't think you can talk about having things you don't actually use. Secondly, you believe in ghosts, but we're too far out there for you?"

"Lots of people believe in ghosts! No one's ever heard of this," he flaps his hands, not sure what to even call them, "phenomenon! Maybe you're just ghosts with a really wacked out sense of humor."

"Okay then here's a real simple test. Ghosts go through people right? Well," Louis straddles Liam's lap, right on his crotch, and grinds down, "feel real enough for you?"

"A little too real," Liam grits, feeling blood rush to his cheeks, and to more intimate areas.

Louis's outfit shows so much smooth tan skin, it's hard not to get ideas. And he has such thick thighs for his frame. It's a little overwhelming to say the least, especially when they're spread across his lap.

Louis's teeth gleam when he smiles down at Liam. They look sharp.

Harry knocks into Louis's shoulder, so that he's in front of Liam instead. He smiles at him as well. Somehow that doesn't put Liam anymore at ease.

Liam doesn't know which of the... _creatures_ he's more scared of.

Or attracted to.

"We're real, and we're definitely not here to haunt you," Harry says, "we only want what's best for you."

"What's best for me?" Liam repeats dumbly.

"Yep! We present you with reasons why you should or shouldn't do something, and you decide which option best suits you."

"Either way our sole focus is on Numero Uno," Louis says, giving Liam's nose a playful flick, "that's you."

Liam considers this, it could be nice; he's not usually anyone's sole focus.

"Okay... Wait, why me? What makes you think I need help deciding things?"

"You spent a half hour today on popcorn," Louis points out, and then gestures around, "which you didn't even eat."

"Well, that's cause I was ambushed by you lot, wasn't it? I wouldn't've thrown it all over the sofa on my own now would I?"

"You would've done something," Louis says flippantly, "spilled it, ate too much and got sick, left it too long in the microwave and burnt your flat down."

"You need some help," Harry insists gently, pushing the hair from Liam's forehead, the way a mother might a child, "we want to be here for you. We can make your life easier."

"We can do all kinds of things for you," the devil purrs, pink tongue coming out to wet his bottom lip. Liam absently wonders why it isn't forked, and then consciously wonders about that tongue, whatever its shape, running over his body.

Maybe he does need help. Or at least a sex partner.

"I'm not sure I really need basically the equivalent of supernatural babysitters though."

"Because your life is going so great as it is," Louis quips.

It was rude. But true. Pretty painfully true.

"Okay I guess, uhm, I mean I guess I could use the company. You're not around all the time right?"

"Just when you need us," Harry says, and Liam misses the glance the angel sends Louis.

"Or want us," Louis smirks, "after all, we're," he giggles, "here to serve."

Liam blushes, and coughs, and tries to steer the conversation to safer waters.

"So basically you show up when I need help making hard choices?"

"That's right! I offer you the view point of goodness and charity," Harry says so proudly that Liam's pretty sure his halo glows brighter.

"And I keep only your own self-interest in mind," Louis follows, grin getting bigger.

"Uhm, yeah, alright," Liam finds himself saying. He's adapting way too quickly to all this weirdness for his liking, "What the hell, it might be fun. I mean at least it'll be nice to have some visitors other than my relatives."

 

"Uhm, can you get off me now?" Liam says after a moment that they all spend staring at each other.

"I guess if that's what you really want," Louis says with a put upon sigh, and runs his finger down Liam's chest before floating away a few feet.

"I guess I should clean this up," Liam says, finally sitting up.

"Oh let me get that, seeing as it was our fault," Harry says, and then waves his hand and the spilled popcorn disappears.

"Don't show off Harold, he'll get used to it," Louis chastises, but then he apparently can't help trying to out do his partner because he snaps his fingers and offers Liam a new bowl of popcorn.

"It's not the popcorn you spilled," he says reassuringly, though it has the opposite effect for Liam, "go on, it's the good cinema-style kind. Extra salt, like you like."

Liam hesitantly takes it, and puts a piece in his mouth. He's pleasantly surprised that it tastes like normal popcorn, nothing off about it, no discernible taste of _unnatural_ , and it's hot, so it must be new.

He smiles and thanks the devil. His devil now, he thinks, rather gobsmacked.

Harry crosses his arms, looking displeased at having been shown-up, and decides to retaliate by picking a piece himself and holding it to Liam's lips while giving a smile that Liam's sure humans aren't supposed to be able to contend with.

Liam takes it into his mouth, feeling only mostly uncomfortable.

"So, do you guys wanna like, stick around for the movies? Or uhm...?" Liam trails off, feeling unsure of himself, and not sure why he asked in the first place.

"Yes!" They both say at once, so immediately and cheerfully that Liam's taken aback. No ones ever sounded so eager to hang out with him.

"Are you kidding me? Nolan's Batman trilogy? You couldn't force me to leave," Louis says, flopping onto the couch.

Harry curls up on the other side, and pats the open space in the middle.

 

Louis has some really funny commentary, and Harry has some interesting, if a bit rambling, background information on the films.

Strange as the situation is, squeezed between two supernatural creatures that he's never met before, he's sort of... Happy.

 

When the movies are over Liam stretches, feeling comfortable and even a little giddy. Harry and Louis make for surprisingly great company.

"We'll be off then," Harry says, pulling away from where he'd cozied up to Liam's side, "this was a really nice night Liam."

"Yeah, you're awesome," Louis says, giving his nipple a quick twist, "we're really glad you're our charge."

They disappear then, right like that, out of thin air. So, Liam guesses they were at least being honest about not being around constantly. Unless they've only turned invisible, and are secretly watching him... Hopefully not. Liam does a lot of embarrassing things...

 

He settles back into his couch, trying to wrap his head around the extraordinary events that have transpired, when he realizes something.

"They didn't tell me whether or not I should call my mum..."

 

 

That was six months ago and he hasn't had a day of peace since then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you liked it, and stay tuned for more.


	3. Blurred Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam is both capitivated by and wary of his growing attachment to his supernatural lovers.

  
Liam didn't much like his job, it was dull, the pay was substandard, and there wasn't much room for vertical growth, but in the past months of his 'moral dilemma' as he called his situation, it had become the only place he could have a moments peace. For a while in the beginning, Louis and Harry would pop up here too, telling him their opinions about whatever he was doing, or trying to blow him under his desk, because apparently supernatural creatures had no idea what boundaries were, but after he'd been asked one too many times what he was mumbling to himself about he'd insisted that his job was an off-limits area. Seriously if he ever had to explain this bizarre phenomenon they'd have him committed on the spot. His banning wasn't 100% effective, but it did at least lessen the amount of pop-ins.

"There's doughnuts in the break room," Donna says, taking a bite of her own jelly-filled one.  
Liam idly wonders if there are any cinnamon ones, and as soon as she leaves Louis appears perched on his desk, grinning hugely, one leg folded over the other so that he can nudge Liam with his claw-like toenails. Liam opens his mouth to tell him off but before he can even make a sound Harry has two fingers in his mouth.  
"You know you want that doughnut," Louis drawls, watching Harry's fingers slide between Liam's plump lips.   
"No, he wants something in his mouth that won't give him diabetes."  
"Having a pastry isn't a moral decision!" Liam whisper-yells, pulling Harry's hand away from his face, "You guys need to get out of here!"  
"Rude," Louis admonishes as he adjusts himself on Liam's desk.  
"Yeah," Harry agrees, hopping on the desk on Liam's other side, "at least be nice to Nice," he grins, gesturing to himself.  
Liam rolls his eyes, "Neither of you are nice. And you certainly aren't helpful. Now get out of here and wait for me at home."  
"Fine, but only if you eat that doughnut. And bring home something for me."  
"No you can't! That's nothing but empty calories. Wouldn't you rather eat the salad I packed for you?"  
"Liam and I do not share your hard-on for kale. Isn't that right Li? Puddings, that's what we want."  
"Ugh!" Liam throws his pencil down, already tired of this argument, "I'll eat the salad Harry, and I'll bring you home something sweet," he adds at Louis's pout. "Now, please, get out of here before one of my coworkers walks in."  
Appeased, they both kiss him on the cheek and disappear.   
Liam wonders what his life would be like if it were normal, if instead of two creatures popping up out of nowhere to berate him about his eating habits, it was a sweet text or phone call from a significant other simply checking in and asking if he'd eaten yet.

"Finally!" Louis exclaims, when Liam makes it through the door, balancing his briefcase and a small bakery box in one hand.   
"Thank you," Louis says, taking the box and offering him a kiss in return.   
Harry follows right after, taking his briefcase and his jacket, kissing him as well, before ushering him towards the bedroom.   
"Dinner isn't quite ready," Harry says, hanging Liam's coat in the closet, and setting his brief case on the desk.   
Harry liked to play domestic, like he was a proper house-husband, and not the menace to Liam's sanity he usually was. Liam couldn't complain though, Harry was an excellent cook, and left to his own devices Liam would probably be eating nothing but microwaveables.   
"I think there's just enough time to get a quickie in," Louis says, stuffing what was left of his treat in his mouth, so that the rest came out a muffled, "innit th' right Haz? Bet Li can still ma' you come twice."  
Liam's not sure he's actually up to that challenge, but he's found where there's a will there's a way. In most cases it's Louis will, and somehow he always manages to get his way.  
Nevertheless he lets Harry lead him to the bedroom, Louis pushing him along from behind.   
Liam lays Harry out, pulling at the gold ropes that hold his toga together, unwrapping him like a present. It doesn't take long to get him naked, one good tug leaves the gossamer fabric falling open. Liam thinks Harry probably chose this particular outfit with that factor firmly in mind.   
Harry is beautiful, heavenly, some might say (Harry mostly, for the pun value) but he wouldn't be wrong. White wings fanned out behind him and his halo casting a delicate glow over his face, he's absolutely stunning.   
Louis nips at his ear just then, drawing his attention away from the pretty angel; he can't forget about his equally beautiful devil. Louis wouldn't let him for one thing.   
He gives Louis a quick kiss and arranges him beside Harry.   
He gets a little overwhelmed when they both look up at him. Even if they were human they'd be so far out of his league. For all the grief they give him, he's still not sure how he lucked into this arrangement.  
He leans down to kiss Harry, then Louis, and whispers a few quiet instructions in Louis's ear. Louis grins at him and rolls over to rummage through the bedside table.   
"What're you planning?" Harry asks,   
"Gonna make you come twice," Liam answers, in way of not answering.  
Louis presses himself in a long line against Harry's side, grabbing one of his legs behind the knee to help Harry hold himself open.   
Usually Louis likes to make Liam's life difficult by being a demanding little shit, but today he seems content to let Harry be the focus. Mostly anyway. He gives Liam his 'get on with it' look, presumably so that Liam doesn't forget who's really in charge.  
Liam takes the cue, shuffling down to rest on his elbows just below Harry's hips.   
He starts with one continuous swipe of tongue all the way from Harry's tightly puckered hole to the tip of his cock. Then in true Louis fashion (which is where he learned it) he swallows Harry all the way down. He doesn't work his throat, if he does Harry will come too quickly, instead he lets it sit on his tongue before slowly pulling off and then repeating the process over and over until Harry is panting. Once Harry's cock is suitably covered in saliva he switches to wrapping his fist around it so that he can put his tongue to use on Harry's hole.   
He pumps his fist while alternating his tongue between making wide flat strokes, circling the rim, and pressing it ever so slightly in. This has Harry making little whimpers and whines.  
Then he switches back to deep-throating. This time swallowing around him, and letting his baritone hum cause a satisfying vibration.  
His thumb slides over Harry's hole and presses against the rim in nothing more than a tease, but it still makes Harry's hips buck. He's probably getting close.  
Liam sucks hard at the head right as he presses his thumb firmly against Harry's perineum. Harry spills into his mouth, making a choked-off moan, and pulls at Liam's hair.  
Liam takes the time to kiss Louis, Harry looking hazily on, as Liam lets some of Harry's come slide onto Louis's tongue, before giving Louis a nod.  
Louis waves his hand and Harry gets hard again so fast it probably makes him light headed.   
"Hey, that was cheating," Harry says a bit dazedly, but he's smiling.  
"Looks like I've been rubbing off on him," Louis says proudly.  
"Not yet," Harry jokes, nodding to Louis's unattended erection.  
"You're right," Louis turns a grumpy face towards Liam, "Liam, you've so neglected me. Rectify it this moment or I'll stop teaching you the ways of the dark side."  
Liam gives Louis an unimpressed look and wraps his hand around his cock.   
"Actually," Liam says, removing his hand, making Louis growl, "I think the rubbing off on me was a good idea."  
He pulls Louis towards him until he's slotted against his thigh.   
"Where'd that lube get to?"  
"Here it is," Harry says, always looking to be helpful, and hands it to him.   
He takes it with a 'thank you' pat to Harry's knee, and flicks open the cap.   
He pours a generous amount into his palm before flipping it closed and setting it somewhere behind him, then he slicks up the fingers of both hands.   
He starts with Harry, circling one digit around the rim before pressing in without any more fanfare. Louis's next.  
The first gentle push in makes Louis claw at his shoulder, though the devil is careful not to let his actual claws do any damage.   
It takes a bit a coordination, fingering them both in this position, but being with Harry and Louis has taught him nothing if not how to multitask.  
Soon he's got two fingers inside each of them, Harry mewling on the bed, and Louis rutting against his thigh.   
Liam might not be good at a lot things, but one thing he's become very adept at is finding and applying constant pressure to Harry or Louis's prostrate with his fingers. Practice makes perfect after all. So it's not long until Louis is bucking his hips erratically and the muscles in Harry's thighs are twitching in that telltale way that means he's close to coming.  
He wonders if he can make them both come at the same time. Harry seems a little closer, his hand flying over his cock, he's probably going to come any second, so he leans down to place a none-to-gentle bite on Louis's neck to even things up. Louis practically screams and comes against Liam's thigh, Harry following not a second later.   
Liam eases Louis back down beside Harry feeling pretty smug. They might be magical creatures that defy physics, but he's pretty sure he still rocks their world.   
However, that feeling is quickly taken over by awe and wonder and lust as he looks back down at them. Flushed and satisfied, sweat and come glistening on their skin, they've both got their eyes closed and their fingers tangled together, and they look absolutely perfect together. Otherworldly and yet perfectly natural.  
Liam feels a little guilty about thinking that Harry looks his most angelic right after he's come.  
He doesn't feel at all guilty thinking the same thing about Louis, though he's careful to never actually voice that opinion.   
Liam makes quick work of his own hard-on. Harry and Louis would normally help out, but he's too worked up to wait for either of them to catch their breath (plus he's getting quite hungry).

By the time they get around to dinner, Harry's sat, blissfully fucked-out, staring lovingly at Liam the whole time, distractedly picking at his food.   
Liam would be worried about his appetite except that Harry and Louis didn't have to eat, being supernatural. Though, they both enjoyed the act, and Liam had to admit, it was nice, having someone to share meals with, even if it did substantially impact his food budget.   
Actually Harry and Louis didn't have [and probably weren't supposed] to do a lot of the things they chose to do. Having sex was an obvious one, but they also did things like bathe, even though they could easily magic themselves clean, or help with housework, or even walk when they could just as easily float. Liam wondered sometimes, if they wished they were mortal. Then he would shake his head, what a stupid thought, of course they didn't. Who would?   
"Let's watch some crap telly," Louis says, hoisting himself over the back of the couch and into his usual spot.   
"We have to clean up first," Harry reminds him sternly, "cleanliness is next to godliness, after all."  
Watching tv and arguing over doing the washing up. That's pretty domestic and mortal..  
Louis grumbles and waves his hand, and everything is clean and in it's proper place.   
Magically doing the washing up, that's definitely happily supernatural.  
Harry chides him but joins him on the sofa nonetheless, and then looks around for Liam like he should already be sat next to him.   
"Come on then," Louis says, craning his neck to look back at Liam.  
"Fancy a cuddle," Harry adds, patting the middle cushion expectantly.   
Liam takes a moment, staring at them. They should look like they don't belong there, they should look at odds with their environment, it should look like some kind of strange performance art, but they don't, and it doesn't. They fit right in. Immortal or not. In the back of Liam's mind he feels uneasy about this blurred line. Maybe he's the one that wishes they were human.  
Louis raises an impatient eyebrow, Harry gives him a cheeky smile, and Liam pushes those thoughts from his mind.  
"Yeah, I'm coming."


	4. New Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis are just trying to improve Liam's quality of life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the lovely people who commented and Shout Out to Julius Pepperwood for the nicest comment and for citing Liam's past haircuts as evidence of his loserdom. I feel strongly about two things: 1 the center of every relationship should be love and respect (even imaginary ones on the Internet) and 2 Liam Payne is a massive loser in the best possible way (both in works of fiction such as this one and real life) and he should be loved and celebrated for it. Hope everyone likes the new chapter :)

 

  
Liam Payne's house is a little too quiet.  
  
Even though he's only just gotten home, he can tell something isn't right. For one thing neither of his boyfr- Moral Attendants have come out to greet him. Which is odd because he can't hear any moaning from the bedroom either, and that really doesn't leave a whole lot of options.

He eyes his apartment suspiciously, not trusting so much as the settee. Harry and Louis have been known to pull some elaborate (and usually terrifying) pranks. He didn't find his arm chair trying to eat him hilarious, and he doesn't want his telly to start talking to him again; hearing a facsimile of David Cameron come on to him was deeply, _deeply_ unsettling.  
He's prodding at one of his house plants when out of nowhere, an unwelcome thought strikes him, _what if they left?_  
He tries to laugh that thought away, with a _like I'd be so lucky_ , but he feels sort of cold. He's about to call out for them when Harry pops up right in front of him, startling him. He'll never get used to that.  
"Liam!" He shouts, quite a bit louder than Liam thinks is necessary seeing as he's only about two feet from him, and his own presence certainly can't be shocking.  
"You're home!" He says just as loudly, bouncing into Liam's arms.  
"Yes," Liam starts, raising one eyebrow, "just like everyday. Where's Louis?"  
"Oh he's in the bedroom, uhm, getting ready for you," Harry says, pressing his long body against Liam's.  
Liam has that feeling he gets when Harry or Louis laughs for no reason (because it's not for no reason, it's only that Liam hasn't figured it out yet). They're definitely up to something.  
"How was your day, Baby?" Harry asks, "stressful? You know, a good nights sleep is so helpful."  
Liam isn't sure if that is suspicious behavior or not, Harry has plenty of little lectures about health. He'll look for Louis instead.  
"Really important to your over all health, you know," Harry keeps rambling as Liam heads toward the bedroom.  
"And really, what's more important than your well-being?"  
He finishes as Liam opens the door to see Louis making the bed. A bed. Not _his_ bed. His bed was a reasonably sized twin. This bed is a queen and takes up nearly half the room.  
"What-"  
"Oh this is your new bed!" Louis claps, adjusting one pillow ever so slightly, his grin implies that he doesn't see a single thing wrong with this situation.  
"What?"  
"It's okay," Harry says, and his tone implies that he _does_ , "we actually got it for a really good price, so don't worry, there was plenty left over to make a sizable donation to a great charity."  
"That is not the problem! Stop spending my money for me!"  
"Oh don't be such a sourpuss, c'mon let's break it in!" Louis says excitedly, jumping on the bed, pulling off his leather vest as a giggling Harry joins him.  
"Come on!" Harry urges, bouncing on his knees with Louis.  
Liam wants to throttle them, he really does, but the simple truth is that it wouldn't do him any good.  
He just has to look at it like they are a force of nature (which they _are_ ) and that he could no more easily change them than he could change the weather.  
So, he jumps on the bed as well. The mattress is quite nice actually, bouncy but not too springy. Firm, but not too firm. At least they got a good one.  
Louis arranges them into their normal sleeping positions for testing purposes, Harry on the right, Liam in the middle, and Louis on the left.  
"See?" Harry says, lounging in a way that was sure to express _comfort_ , "Isn't it nice? Now we all fit."  
"Now you don't have to kick us out of bed anymore."  
"When have I ever kicked you out of bed?"  
"All the time! You're always moaning for us to leave cause it's too cramped."  
"Okay, but when have you ever actually done that?"  
"The point is, now you won't have to ask."  
"And it'll make maneuvering during sex much easier."  
"Yeah, you won't fall off the bed anymore," Harry says, trying and failing to hold back a laugh.  
"That was _one_ time," Liam grumbles, just cause he couldn't fucking _float_ like they do.  
"It was two," Louis corrects, "it was just the once you hurt yourself though."  
"That was your fault," Liam pouts, and it makes Louis giggle and nuzzle at his neck.  
"And I kissed it all I better didn't I?"  
Liam huffs so Louis ignores it in favor of magicking everyone's clothes away (and Liam will _absolutely_ never get used to that), "let's get on to fun bit then shall we?"  
Louis and Harry share a conspiratorial look, or maybe it's a regular look, it could be hard to tell. Louis nods at his counterpart.  
"Uhm, don't be mad, Li," Harry says, wearing his trademark look of guilty innocence, his halo and cheeks glowing, "but we bought something else as well."  
"I talked him into it," Louis chimes in, taking the blame from Harry, though Liam is sure that even if Louis is telling the truth Harry didn't take much convincing.  
"You're really going to like it though, okay Payno, so don't blow your top until you see it."  
"And then you can blow your load."  
At that Harry produces a mint green mostly-phallic-shaped object.  
"You bought a dildo."  
"Actually it's a dual pulsator and vibrator," Harry corrects excitedly.  
"Now you can fuck us both at the same time," Louis says, nipping it from Harry's hands and brushing it over his lips, "who do you want to use it on first?" Louis asks, leaning in and running the smooth silicone over Liam's jaw, "Or would you rather we use it on you? Now there won't be an empty hole in the house."  
"Think I'll fuck you with it first," Liam says definitively, taking it from Louis's hands before the devil can react, and shoving him so that he falls back against the mattress. Liam straddles him and Louis moans, always pleasantly surprised when Liam gets a little rough.  
"Then me?" Harry asks hopefully.  
"No, I'm going to use it to open him up, then when he can't take it anymore I'm going to fuck him with the real thing."  
Louis moans, but Harry goes still.  
"Mm, that's brilliant Li, you're so good," Harry purrs, turning Liam towards himself with a soft hand on his cheek, he bats his eyelashes before he licks into Liam's mouth, "I'll ride him at the same time, he'll lose his mind."  
Liam spends a lot of time wondering which of the two is the actually evil one. It's a nice try, unfortunately for Harry Liam is still pretty peeved about their little shopping spree.  
"You're going to watch," Liam says pulling away from the angel, and Harry pouts at having been caught out, "and you're going to keep those hands still by your sides."  
"But, Leeyum," Harry says silkily, a hint of defiance underneath the sweet as he drifts towards Louis, "idle hands are the devil's playthings."  
Liam raises one eyebrow, "if you're going to be like that then I'm going to focus all my attention on the good boy that I do have," he says, running a hand affectionately through Louis's hair, and kisses the tip of his nose. It makes Louis smile a bit bashfully and Harry scoff.  
"Plus," Liam adds, eyes still trained on Louis, "you won't get your reward."  
He's learned that if he wants to keep Harry in line he'll have to offer an incentive. It works, Harry perks up immediately, making an interested noise as he tries unsuccessfully to insert himself between Liam and Louis.  
"What will it be?" Harry asks and Liam knows it's more to get his attention rather than curiosity.  
He decides not to indulge either, "you'll have to wait and see," he says, petting down Louis's sides. Harry huffs and moves a bit sulkily to float near the edge of the bed, and Liam spares his angel a glance as a small reward.

By the time he's done working Louis open enough to fit the toy inside, Louis's getting impatient and Harry's sulking so much Liam can practically hear it.  
"Green," Liam says conversationally as he familiarizes himself with the controls, he flicks his eyes up at Harry, "that's Harry's favorite color isn't it?"  
"W-well it only seemed fair to let him choose the color after I picked it out," Louis says, ever so reasonably. Except as long as Liam's known him _fairness_ isn't a concept Louis takes much interest in.  
"That was nice of you," Liam smiles, kissing Louis's hip, "what a good boy you are."  
Liam can almost feel Harry's glower on the back of his neck.  
He eases the toy inside his devil, thrusts it slowly a few times, lets him get used to the shape of it before turning it on.  
Louis's whole body jolts at the first hint of sensation and his mouth falls open in a silent 'o'.  
Liam's never used a vibrator (having never so much as the inclination to buy one himself, it makes him embarrassed just to think that it'll show up on his billing record) so he can only guess at what Louis must be feeling. He turns it up one notch and Louis whines through his nose, his head falling back against their new bed.  
He's not really sure what would be better, fucking him with it like he normally would his cock, or just leaving it pressed up against Louis's prostate. He decides to try both but the only thing that seems to have a real effect is when he turns it up another notch.  
It must be quite good because Louis usually doesn't keep his mouth shut this long and so far nothing's come out but panting breaths. Liam gets a little uncomfortable for moment thinking Louis might prefer this from now on.  
Harry seems to give up pouting to focus more of his attention on Louis's reactions, and Liam isn't surprised; Louis is so _fiery_ most the time, burning hot enough to almost burn them, laid out like this he's more contained, manageable, smoldering, and Liam is the one stoking the fire.  
"This was Harry's idea wasn't it, Baby?" Liam asks sweetly, not actually expecting Louis to answer. He already knows who to blame.  
Harry makes an exaggeratedly offended sound from his corner.  
"He wanted to buy it so he could see you like this," Liam continues over Louis's moans, "I can't say I blame him."  
"Then _don't_!" Harry says grumpily.  
Liam chuckles a little at that and turns off the toy.  
Louis whines at the loss and nudges Liam's thigh insistently with one foot.  
"It was, wasn't it?" He asks again now that he's got Louis's attention.  
Louis spares Harry an apologetic look and then nods up at Liam, "I wanted it too though.  
"I know Baby, seeing you enjoy it so much makes me glad to have it. What about the bed?"  
Louis glances at Harry again and whines, "yeah that too."  
Harry makes a betrayed sound that makes Liam laugh and Louis apologize.  
"Sorry Haz," Louis says, still panting heavily, "you'll understand when he fucks you with it."  
" _If_ I fuck him with it."  
Harry whines, high, like he's in pain, and moves just an inch closer, "what's it feel like, Lou?"  
Louis's hip jerk minutely, even though Liam hasn't turned it back on, "it's- it's so _different_. It sort of- tickles right against you."  
Liam turns it on again, and Louis moans immediately.  
"What else?" Liam asks just to hear Harry suffer behind him.  
"I-I've never felt anything like it before," Louis moans out, and the dazed look on his face certainly backs up that statement.  
Liam turns it up again and it has Louis rocking his hips, seemingly less as an effort to fuck himself on it and more because he simply can't help it. Liam glances back at Harry who is griping his thighs so hard in an effort to keep himself from touching his cock that his knuckles have gone pale.  
Liam smiles at him, giving Harry a proud, "good boy," so that he won't give up completely when Liam turns on the pulsator part of the toy.  
Louis sobs and thrashes against the bed.  
"It's -oh god -it's too much but- but-" Louis pants, "Liam," he begs not able to get anymore words out.  
Liam turns it up just once more and Louis's orgasm is teased right out of him. He shudders through it, tears prickling the corners of his eyes. Liam cycles back down through the settings until it's off and then gently pulls it out.  
Harry lets out a breath he must have been holding, "Lou, that was so hot. Fuck."  
"How was it?" Liam asks, setting the toy aside, still nervous Louis's answer might be _better than anything_. It certainly had seemed that way.  
"Weird," Louis breathes out slowly, "it was so intense but also so light, like teasing. It was definitely good, but," his hand wraps his hand around his still hard cock, "it wasn't satisfying the way it usually is. I want it pounded out of me, Liam, I want to be tired afterward not on edge, help me."  
Liam smiles fondly at Louis, honestly feeling more relieved than smug, and strokes Louis's thighs soothingly.  
"I'll take care of you," he promises quietly, and he really wants to.  
He presses his thumb against Louis's hole to try and gauge how sore he is, and when he gets no resistance from Louis he pushes it gently inside.  
"How do you feel, Baby?"  
"Numb," Louis answers, eyebrows scrunched together.  
"Don't worry, I'll get you feeling it again," Liam says, though he's less sure of his abilities than he makes it sound. He always is. He gets a condom, and more lube, wary that in his current state Louis won't be able to feel if something isn't right. Although, he's honesty not sure if they can be hurt, but it's always better to be safe than sorry.  
When he presses in Louis sighs happily, so he must feel okay.  
"Hot," Louis murmurs, clutching at Liam's forearms when he leans over him.  
He's bigger in size than the toy, at least he can say he's got that going for him, which is great because he's sure he won't last very long after watching the marveling display that is Louis.  
He pulls Louis's hips up higher onto his thighs for better leverage and so that he can reach under him and pet around his tail. Louis loves that. But not as much as he loves a fist around his cock, so Liam switches to that as he ups his pace, trying to make good on Louis's request that he 'pound it out of him.'  
He can feel his own orgasm rapidly approaching, but he's desperate to make Louis come first, so he tugs faster at Louis's dick, thrusting as deep as he can manage until Louis seizes up and comes over his fist.  
Watching Louis experience an exciting new pleasure was great, but Liam's a lot more pleased watching him come around his cock, and it only takes him a few more thrusts into Louis's pulsing body and then he comes as well. He forces himself to sit back so that he doesn't give in and collapse all of his weight onto the little devil, and then slowly pulls out.  
Louis makes a contented sound after he's caught his breath and grins at Liam, "now _that_ was satisfying."  
Liam flushes and grins back feeling a little proud of himself.  
He looks over to check on Harry and is surprised to find his hands still obediently at his sides and his cock still hard and leaking at the tip. He must feel pretty bad, seeing as how if Liam was in his place he knows there's no way he could've kept his hands to himself.  
He leaves Louis to recover on their bed and presses Harry down into the arm chair in the corner.  
"You did good waiting for me, Love," Liam praises, and he can see the last of Harry's resentment fade away now that he's got Liam's full attention.  
"What's my reward?" Harry asks, looking a bit sheepish.  
"You got to watch Louis," Liam smiles.  
He kisses Harry then, deep, feeling a little guilty about leaving him out for so long. Then again.  
"You know you shouldn't've spent like a grand of my money though don't you?"  
"It wasn't that much," Harry starts, but then relents, "yeah. I'm sorry. You're happy now though aren't you?"  
Liam shrugs, giving in, "I guess I am."  
Harry beams at him, "that's all we want, Li."  
Liam flushes, and mutters a quick, "one second," as he turns back to the bed. He grabs the toy and Harry looks so hopeful that it makes him laugh.  
Liam isn't going to fuck Harry with it, partly because it'd be unsanitary, but also because he knows Harry likes to be punished a little. Harry _does_ know he should've asked Liam before buying anything, just like he knows he shouldn't "repurpose" Liam's clothes that he doesn't like into rags, or that he shouldn't get Louis to team up with him in order to win every single argument. Getting punished assuages his guilt.  
"I'm going to use _on_ you. Not in you," Liam says apologetically.  
Harry doesn't complain, probably still happy that he's going to be touched at all.  
Liam turns the vibrator setting on a low one and presses it against the length of Harry's dick. Harry's been holding out so long it should push him right over his limit, but Liam has the setting so low that it keeps him right on the edge instead. Harry whimpers, hips jerking, probably trying to add some sort of friction.  
Liam tries to feel bad about Harry suffering and finds that he can't. Harry looks as beautiful frustrated to the point of exhaustion as he does any other time. He holds Harry's hips down, and it makes Harry claw into his shoulders.  
"Please, Li," Harry shudders, his whole body shaking now, but Liam doesn't budge and he doesn't turn it up. Harry can come like this, he's sure, even if it feels like he can't.  
Harry gets so desperate that Liam's about to give in and up the power when Harry's orgasm is startled out of him. Liam's not sure how it takes him by surprise when he was aching for it so much, but nevertheless the look of shock and relief on Harry's face is absolutely perfect, and he's glad they both held out.  
"I'll use it on you for real tomorrow," Liam promises, kissing Harry's cheek, because he's really not very good at staying mad at either of them, and he's sure watching Harry fall apart will be just as satisfying as it was with Louis.  
When he thinks Harry's well enough, he pulls him up only long enough for them both to collapse onto the bed beside Louis. Louis leans over Liam to kiss Harry and then gives Liam one as well before settling in. Harry magics them all clean, and under the blankets and cuddles into Liam's side.  
Liam lies awake for a little while listening to them both breathe. Maybe Harry and Louis do have some serious problems understanding boundaries. Maybe Liam's alright with that. After all, they do all fit.

He's not sure he can completely credit the mattress, but he does sleep pretty damn soundly that night.  
<3<3<3  
The next morning when he wakes up Harry and Louis are still curled around him, fast asleep. Even though they don't have to sleep. It is a lot more comfortable now, well, maybe not _a_ _lot_ , because even though there is technically more room, they're both still pressed right up against him.  
Liam yawns and sits up, ready to go out for a run. He gets minimal resistance from either of his bed mates about letting him get up, mainly because neither of them have any interest in exercise. Even floating along behind him seems too much tedium for them. Liam doesn't mind, he likes the time alone to clear his head.  
He starts at a slow pace when he gets out, and thinks about Harry and Louis. He tries not to, he wants to think about work or his family or really anything besides the two beings he already gives so much of his time to, but he can't. It's not like anyone could say that having a literal angel and devil in their lives _wasn't_ the most interesting thing about them.  
He sighs, if he can't be peacefully in his head then he'll try to focus outward. He did pick this path to run on for the scenery after all. That has a minimally better outcome, though a rose he sees brings Harry's face to mind, and then the thorns, Louis. He shakes his head, something has to take his mind off of them. As he nears a little strip of trees he gets his wish.  
A large number of birds are making an awful racket. Something must have them spooked. They're swarming and diving at something, a snake maybe or a hawk. Liam isn't real keen on getting close enough to get attacked as well but his curiosity gets the better of him and he jogs closer.  
Then he sees it, a tiny, dirty little kitten being chased under the shallow ledge of a building. The birds are shrieking and diving at it, and Liam runs over before even thinking about it. He gets a few scratches for his trouble, but the birds circle higher away.  
He tries to peer under the building without crouching in the mud, but he can't see it. He sighs and stoops down on his knees and digs in his pocket for his phone so he can shine a light on the cat and see if it's injured.  
It takes him a second to spot it, and when he does it mews pitifully. It's pressed against the back wall, but it's only about a foot away, so he checks that the birds have all mostly flown away and grabs it by the scruff of the neck. It struggles a little, meowing, but he must be at least less scary than the birds because it settles down as he walks toward a bus stop bench.  
He sits down and puts it on his lap. It's dirty, and scrawny, but he can't see any obvious injuries. He squeezes each of its legs and tummy very gently, to test for any injury he can't see, but luckily it seems to be fine. Then he just sits there staring, at a loss about what to do with it now.  
He doesn't really have the time or money for a pet. He's not sure his landlord even allows them now that he thinks about it. He looks down at it. It's so small. Obviously homeless. Still, his life is so full at the moment, he's not sure he can handle another responsibility. He doesn't know what to do.  
"What do I do with you?" He mutters to the pitiful thing.  
"Wh- oh Liam," Louis says, having popped up in front of him, "do you need help with something, Darling?"  
Liam eyes them both and it takes him less than a second to realize they were busy doing some _extracurricular_ activities.  
He gives them both a thoroughly unimpressed look.  
"Unbelievable," he says, "the one time I actually need you guys and you show up even more naked than usual with fully hard dicks."  
"Well, we were sort of in the middle of something," Harry blushes with a cheeky grin as he adjusts his toga.  
"Not our fault we got used to you not calling for us," Louis grumbles, smoothing back his fringe.  
"What do you need?"  
Liam raises both eyebrows and gestures emphatically to the kitten in his lap.  
"Aww, it's so cute!" Harry gushes, taking notice, "where'd you get it?"  
"It was being chased by some birds. Look, what I need to know is what to do with it now."  
"Well you have to rescue it obviously!" Harry says at once, "It can't fend for itself, it's all alone in world, Liam! You have to!"  
That's pretty much exactly what he expected to hear. Which means that it isn't that helpful honestly.  
He looks at Louis.  
"What?" Louis says, raising one eyebrow like he has nothing to add. When Liam is silent the eyebrow raises higher, "Are you expecting me to tell you to leave it? Get the fucking cat Liam."  
"But I'm really more of a dog per-"  
"Get the fucking cat Liam!"  
"Alright! Damn! You two have to help out though, cleaning the litter box and feeding it and all that."  
Liam sets it aside for a moment so he can shrug off his coat and bundle it up in it.  
"This is our cat," Liam insists, trying to ignore the feeling that produces in his chest, "it's everyone's responsibility."  
"I get to name it!" Louis says, plucking it from Liam's grasp, and it immediately nuzzles against his chest.  
"How-"  
"Cats can see me you Ninny," Louis says like this is somehow obvious information.  
Liam side eyes the kitten that seems to warm up to Louis automatically. Then again, it is a cat, he really shouldn't be surprised.  
"It can see me too," Harry says, reading Liam's mind, "cats aren't inherently evil."  
Liam watches as Louis scratches it's chin, making it purr, and he's not convinced. He can tell already this one, at least, is going to be.

"I wasn't going to suggest we leave it anyway," Liam says as they walk back to the apartment, "just to take it to a shelter or something."  
"I know, Sweetheart," Harry says, looping his arm around Liam's, "And that's why you'll be its least favorite parent."  
Liam grumbles and Louis laughs and the kitten purrs, and they all make it safely home.

After Liam goes to pick out cat supplies (for which Harry and Louis excitedly tag along) he doesn't make it out of the store with less than £50 worth of stuff.  
They set it all up in the living room, giving the kitten its own little space under the window. It seems happy, though it plays more with the boxes than it does with any of the expensive cat toys.  
He really didn't have room for it, but he didn't really have room for Harry and Louis either and that's somehow working.  
Looking around he realizes just how much his apartment has changed since they appeared in his life. Despite having no literal physical presence Harry and Louis have left their mark in nearly every area of his flat.  
The kitchen is arranged to Harry's liking, the living room is always a mess with whatever Louis's currently interested in, the bedroom now has space for three even though it should only have room for one, even the bathroom is redecorated in Harry's eclectic, yet tasteful style.  
There's hardly anything left that's just his.  
So much of _him_ is now intertwined with these two creatures; would he ever be able to get his life back to normal if they left?  
He thinks about the feeling he got when he briefly thought they'd abandoned him.  
He should be more worried about his rapidly evaporating independence, he should be annoyed that when they said they'd help him make decisions what they really meant was make his decisions for him, he should probably be more than a little angry that they'd spent a ton of his money on things that were more or less for them, instead he's watching them play with the new kitten and only worrying they won't stick around to help him raise it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, more to come soon. Feedback welcome and appreciated. :)


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